• Surviving An Extra-Marital Affair – Emotions

    Surviving the affair of your spouse is one of the most difficult, challenging things you’ll ever work to accomplish.

    Are you up to the task?

    Cheating causes a depth of painful emotions that is almost impossible to describe—you only realize how deep if you experience it yourself. Even cheaters can go through emotional turmoil thanks to their thoughtless actions.

    Cheating Wife Affair

    Cheating Is So Easy To Begin With Today’s Technology

    In this blog, lets look at 3 different options for managing those post-affair emotions in a healthy way. It will give you what you need to move forward, survive cheating and decide if you want to save your marriage.

    Broadsided by Cheating Wife

    The emotional turmoil a cheater may experience, based largely on guilt, and can’t begin to compare with the pain that you, as the victim of cheating, are going through. Your spouse’s infidelity unleashes painfully raw waves of emotion, and you don’t know how you’ll ever escape this ongoing internal devastation.

    It can be tempting to want to sidestep these emotions, ignoring them in hopes they’ll just go away on their own, with time and distance. If you want to be successful in surviving an affair, this is not the best option.

    If your spouse cheated on you, the emotional backlash you’re experiencing must be faced.  It is definitely unfair. As the victim, you didn’t have any input in your spouse’s decision. Instead, you were lied to and deceived into believing everything was going along as normal. Nothing prepared you for this, and that’s what makes it even more challenging.

    When you are hit with the news of your spouse’s cheating, it spins your world around.

    You may have had your suspicions, but until you unequivocally know the truth that your spouse had an affair, there’s really nothing to prepare you for what comes next.

    Negative emotions take over. You as the victim feel as if you’ve lost control. The rug has been pulled out from under you—and you can’t seem to gain your feet. A daily cocktail of emotions is what you’re served, made up of anger, feelings of betrayal, pain, jealousy, intense shame, and uncertainty about the future, and who you are in that future—and whether your marriage will even survive into the future.

    Reeling from these waves of pain, it is tempting to want to escape and hide yourself away from them, anything to avoid that pull down into the emotional abyss. You may have had moments where you feel yourself internally closing a door on them, and telling yourself “I’m fine. It’s no big deal. I’ll make it through.”

    The only way to truly make it through, in a meaningful way that allows you to reclaim your sense of self while healing these deep wounds, is to work through each and every one of those painful emotions in your quest of surviving infidelity and moving on.

    Cheating Wives and Emotional Adultery

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    Let’s look at 3 options from which to choose to get you started in confronting this internal demon of emotional pain so you can begin healing.

    Emotion Healing Option 1: Breath Focus

    When we’re under pressure and feeling stressed, our breathing changes: it tends to become shallower.

    As an affair victim, you are experiencing immense stress. Your emotional pain leaves you feeling exhausted, mentally and physically. A simple method to help revitalize you and ease some of that pressure is to take the time to focus on your breath, breathing in deeply and slowly exhaling. Control the breath, focusing on feeling it move down into your stomach, and then exhaling in a controlled manner.

    Some people report that when they first try this very simple exercise, it can leave them feeling lightheaded. But deep, controlled breaths are healthy, so it shows that you physically exist in an unhealthy, anxious state when it feels odd to breathe this way.

    Emotion Healing Option 2: Distraction with Intention

    A positive distraction is one in which you give yourself a break from the emotions you’re experiencing. A negative distraction would be something such as obsessively scrubbing floors to avoid the emotion.

    A positive distraction differs in that you aren’t running and hiding from anything—you’re just taking a time-out to do an activity you enjoy and that keeps your attention for a bit. It provides a way to move through the hurdle of that negative emotion.

    Emotion Healing Option 3: Self-Nurture Efforts

    Keep up with taking care of yourself. Many affair victims are so distraught, they find they don’t have an appetite and therefore don’t eat properly, or care about their personal appearance or feel motivated to exercise.

    But when you are in emotional distress, it is all the more reason to take care of yourself. Your body needs nurturing now, more than ever. It will be a welcome salve to the raw wounds you are recovering from. One of the best resources I have found for healing from a spouse’s  affair is…………...

    How have you processed the emotional aftermath of the affair?

    What steps have you taken to process the emotional pain of infidelity?

    Please share your thoughts and experiences regarding this critical issue of trust. And, best wishes as you trudge through this mire of dealing with a cheating wife.


  • Post Affair Emotions – Fear


    The fear of unraveling the discovery of an affair by your cheating wife – help!

    The case study below indicates a couple of those fears.

    Fear And The Affair Discoery

    The Affair And The Fear Of Discovery


    The fear of not knowing and feeling safe.

    First, your fear may arise because you no longer feel safe in trusting yourself. It’s difficult to trust your inner guidance and your thoughts since what you once thought was reality is called into question. This is especially powerful if your cheating wife cuts herself off from you or presents a series of lies, mistruths, half truths or fabrications.

    As well, your spouse may still be tied to the affair that she no longer has a grasp on reality.  Adultery and an extra-marital affair often live on the edge of delusions and illusions of what life is actually like.

    And so, when talking to your spouse, she in her convictions may present an entirely different view of what’s happening. And, she does so in a manner that is utterly and totally convincing, because she truly believes her perception to be the truth.

    You may hear such phrases as.. “We’re just friends, I’m not doing anything wrong, what are you talking about?” or, “You’re jumping to conclusions.”

    Or, her actions are such that they convey that nothing is wrong. Business as usual. By looking at the cover of the book you would never guess an affair is unfolding. And she has no idea that an extra-marital affair is unfolding as well.

    And, to the extreme, you may hear from your cheating wife, “I’m in love, aren’t you happy for me that I finally found it?”, or, “I deserve this – I’ve given so much, now it’s my time.” This is stated with a total disregard for your feelings or the impact those words have on you.

    Your inner life, your esteem, your “groundedness” is thrown into chaos because you can’t believe this is happening

    Obvious Proof Of An Affair?

    Wake up the Affair is right before your eyes.

    Afraid of the future. Fear of what and how this affair will effect your life.

    And, you are afraid. Afraid you have lost it! Afraid you no longer have a compass that guides you. Afraid of the future and how you might manage it, since you’ve seemingly lost your bearings.

    You then begin the process of putting together an inner world that gives some comfort. But, you are on your own. And, you make assumptions, not sure if those assumptions are valid.

    Here is one of the best resources I know of to help overcome and recover from your wife’s extra-marital affair.

    Hope this helps your get through this emotional nightmare called an extra-marital affair.


  • Cheating Wife Survival Tip – Faith

    Learning about the affair we need to learn that we cannot change another person, we can only change ourselves.

    The following real extra-marital affair life story is from one of our readers, a father of four who endured the pain and misery of his wife’s affair after she met the other partner in a bar. After realizing he could not change his wife, he began to  focus on looking within himself and relying on his faith in GOD to make it through. Read his story below:

    cheating wife survival

    Your wife is cheating, now what?

    My wife actually told me that she had met a guy in a bar and he had called her, but that was it. We were having marriage problems at the time and I just brushed it off.

    I later found out that it was more involved than that and found the cell phone bill. I was crushed, angry, and hurt. We have four children and I could not believe that she would do this to us. I found comfort in family and friends, but found myself wallowing in painful misery everyday re-living the hurt. My job was a mess and I couldn’t focus on anything.

    I went on the internet and read books. I confronted my wife and received empty promises. I went to church and started to study the Bible. I had a very influential person enter my life who got me to see that I could not change others but with patience and belief I would make it through.

    The battle was on and it became more a battle with myself than with control of the situation. These things take time…sometimes a long time but it becomes about you and that’s when good things start to happen.

    Nobody wants to be around weakness and in the end you will help your marriage by being strong. You just have to have faith that things are going to get better.

    There is help for you in restoring your marriage after an affair, and I recommend……..

    Best wishes for you as you recover from this very painful experience – an extramarital affair brings to you, your family and your marriage,

  • What Are The Common Excuses For Cheating?

                    Common Excuses for Cheating


    I was talking to a friend recently whose husband had been cheating on her. Through her tears and frustration, she said something that stung me. This little talk also applies to women whose husbands are cheating. Marital cheating hurts…….!

    Arguing will not stop the affair

    Stopping The Cheating By Making Excuses Won’t Work

    She said that when she found out, about her husband’s cheating and he turned things around and blamed her.

    Yup, you read that correctly. After he had cheated, he had actually blamed her for something that he had done. Which is what brings me to today’s message. I wanted to write, encourage and empower you today.

    I wanted to remind you that cheating is never the victim’s fault. It’s just a way for a cheater to feel better about things.

    So here are a few common excuses that you may hear and what the truth behind it really is.

    “The way you have treated me lately is the reason I began cheating on you.”

    Translation: We have been fighting lately and instead of talking to you about it, I took the easy way out and fooled around on you. Now I feel really guilty and can’t stand it so I am taking the easy way out again and blaming you.

    “I did it because I thought you were cheating on me.

    Translation: I saw a phone number on your cell phone that I did not recognize, so I started to assume things. Instead of asking you about it, my jealousy and frustration got the best of me. I jumped to a conclusion and slept with someone to hurt you, before you hurt me.

    “You don’t love me like you used to.”

    Translation: I don’t love you like I used to. We have been so busy with our lives that we have neglected nurturing our marriage. Instead of working on things, I sought out comfort from someone else instead.

    These three common excuses are just that – excuses. There is never an excuse good enough to justify cheating on the one you love. I know of no other pain worse than hearing that the person you love, was in bed with someone else.

    It is not your fault. No matter what is said or done, you do not control the actions of someone else.

    Your partner has the ability to think and make decisions, and that is something that you need to keep in mind.

    As I sat with my friend, she kept saying how she should have done this or she should have done that differently.

    She said maybe she should have gone to that football game with him that one time, or maybe she should have shut her mouth during that one argument.

    Cheating Wife Survival

    Cheating Causes Tons Of Emotional Pain On Both of you.

    As I sat listening with a heavy heart, I kept wishing that I could have helped her before, and while this was going on. I wished that there was something I could have done.

    Which is what brings me back to you and what I can do to help.

    If you are feeling like something may be going on in your marriage that does not seem right, then you need to do something about it.

    There is little I can do for my friend, but there is something I can still do for you.

    If you want help to bust that cheater and to deal with it, then all you need to do is take one little step and click here:

    Best wishes as you struggle through the mire of a spouses cheating on you.







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