• What Impact Does A Cheating Wife Have On A Marriage?

    Hello,

    The Impact of a cheating wife on a Marriage

    By Dr. Bob Huizenga
    Adultery changes one’s life – dramatically. Infidelity and an extra-marital affair change the flow and course of a marriage or relationship – dramatically.

    And, the changes brought about by adultery differ from person to person and couple to couple, depending on strengths, coping patterns, history, temperament and other factors for the person and the marriage.

    cheating wife survival

    When you add up the numbers, adultery does not pay.

     

    And, so expectations are built and entrenched in concrete. Their picture of their marriage excludes even the remote possibility of one person “straying.”

    And when an extra-marital affair happen, worlds (expectations) are shattered and many wonder what is left.

    Case study #1:

    Most of what I think about now and spend most of my time thinking about is…Why? How could she do this to me? To us? I NEVER EVER thought this would happen! On rough days, unfortunately that is still most days, I feel like a failure. A worthless fool. I had always felt I/we knew what our life was and where I/we wanted to go in our life together. Now there are times when I feel our whole life together was a lie. I’m afraid I will spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and never really letting her in again. Although we are trying to put his affair behind us I don’t know if we will ever get back even close to what we had, or should I say what I thought we had.

    And, then there is the sexual tension created by the extra-marital affair. And, the almost inevitable sexual comparison with the other person. If sex has been a focal point of the affair, the comparison takes on a new life.

    Case Study #2:

    The EXTREMELY LURID nature of my wife’s affair has left me with a shattered self esteem and trust is out of the question. Even though we’ve reconciled and she has been in intense treatment with a therapist, I have a very difficult time becoming intimate. The OP is still on my mind 8 months later and resentment still runs very deep. I keep thinking about the signs of cheating. I still feel I’m living a nightmare, hoping I’ll wake up any moment.

    Adultery, whether is be emotional, sexual or internet cheating disrupts, no, it’s more like throws a hammer into, the marriage.

    Adultery in a marriage demands that new structures, new rules, new ways of thinking and acting with each other be initiated.

    Of course there is tension in the process. (Gold is refined through intense heat.)

    But, there is also huge possibilities for redesign and a new configuration for one’s inner life and life together.

    Here are some resources you can plug into to help you begin the emotional recovery of your spouses extra-marital affair.

    infidelity and Affair Help
    Break Free From the Affair
    Best selling ebook on infidelity. Learn how to diagnose an affair and plan a specific strategy that offers the best hope of influencing the direction of the affair. Click here for more information.
    Save a Marriage
    Save Your Marriage Ebook
    Learn how to control your feelings, calm yourself and move through a marriage crisis with confidence and effectiveness. This ebook works even. Click here for more information.
    Dr. Huizenga
    One on One Personal Coaching
    Yes, you can talk about it. Ask your burning questions. Accelerate your healing process. Find the best words and phrases to stop the marital crisis. Get the affirmation that empowers. Click here for more information.
    Best regards,
    Laurence
  • Survive And Recover From Adultery

    Survive and Recover From Adultery to Making Good Decisions

    Facing infidelity or an extra-marital affair means facing decisions. Your world is thrown into chaos, confusion, fear and here you are… trying to decide what to do.

    And, there are many decisions looming. Do I throw him/her out? Should I spy? Do we separate? Do I talk about the affair? Should I confront the other person? Should we have sex? Should s/he sleep in another bed? etc.

    Here’s one of the problems: Facing infidelity or an extramarital affair is so disturbing that the process of making decisions is made exceedingly more difficult than usual. Your world is turned upside down. The way you make decisions likewise, is turned upside down.

    Cheating Wives and Emotional Adultery

    Post-affair emotional healing help.

     

    Allow me to offer some guidelines for making decisions during this time of your life.

    1. Don’t be in a hurry to make decisions. Don’t rush.

    I say it normally takes 2-4 years to resolve the adultery crisis if you wing it on your own. You can slice off a great deal of time if you research, get support and study infidelity, yet at that, it still takes months to work through the pain, rebuild faith and trust and put together in a healthy way your life and/or relationship.

    Don’t make knee-jerk decisions. Don’t react immediately to your situation. Please don’t listen to well meaning family and friends who have a difficult time experiencing your hurt and out of their discomfort (and concern for you) suggest impulsive moves, such as kicking him/her out, leaving, filing for divorce, etc.

    Allow yourself to be with your pain for a while. It’s ok. You have more internal strength than you can imagine… and you will discover that. You CAN handle it. This too shall pass!

    Take your time…… there is no hurry.

    Exception to the rule: If there is a strong possibility of physical or severe emotional abuse and if your children are in physical or emotional danger, get the heck out. Now. Find a safe place!

    2. Get your affair feet under you.

    You are entering a new world, a world you probably thought you would never enter and so you are not prepared. You are clueless about what faces you and what might transpire. As well you have been taught myths and half-truths about adultery that will get in your way of progressing in a healthy sane manner.

    Learn about infidelity. Learn about the different types of affairs. Get Break Free From the Affair and other information about infidelity and affairs. Study the Killer Mistakes that prolong the extra-marital affair and your agony. Drink it all in.

    You, like thousands of others who never thought they would be in this situation, will discover strength and power that will one day truly amaze you .

    You will learn that you have value and worth, you are not defective, the affair is NOT your fault. You are not to blame. It was his/her temporary break with reality that put him/her at risk. You will be the winner. S/he is headed down the slippery slope.

    Get support. Join my online infidelity support group. Get coaching if it fits you. You will discover the power of healing in being with others who truly understand and will guide and encourage you on your infidelity journey.

    These mini-decisions along the way will give you a base, a strength from which to operate and make the tough decisions that await you. With this base, your future decisions will come from a well thought out, caring and informed center within. This is good!

    3. You will know when you know.

    Timing is everything. You can’t force a decision. Well, I suppose you can, but, I believe, you have a greater risk of making a poorly informed decision.

    You will know when you reach a decision point. It seems more obvious. The wavering is over. the ambivalence is tipped. An inner voice says, “It’s time to do it.”

    And, you can usually trust that inner voice, all things considered. It is highly accurate. Spend some time listening to it. It will guide you in reliantly, persistently and consistently. This is especially true if you have mastered your personal need system, or I should say, as you have eliminated your personal needs and live more according to your values, standards and integrity.

    4. The action path that you choose in the face of infidelity is usually not a path of 100% conviction and certainty.

    Are those, for example, who choose to remain married to the cheating spouse always 100% convinced that their decision is correct? Very very seldom.

    80% of the time they think the decision was correct. But 20% of the time the big doubts and questions settle in again.

    Or maybe it’s 60% of the time that it seems like the appropriate path. Or, perhaps you have more certainty and 90% of the time the decision feels very good and you are happy you made that choice.

    Life is not perfect. Decisions are not perfect. An extra-marital affair can certainly set you back emotionally, but you will recover.

    Best regards,

    Laurence

  • Cheating Wife – Stop The Affair Tips

    Stop the Affair by Being SMART – Not Trying so Hard

    It is often the case that you cannot directly stop the affair.

    In reality, the harder you try directly to get your cheating husband or cheating wife to stop the affair, the more unlikely that the affair will indeed cease.

     

    Specifically for the affair type: “I fell out of love…and just love being in love” a direct assault most often results in the affair couple intensifying their contact or emotional involvement.

    You stand a chance, and sometimes a very good chance of influencing the cessation of the affair if you are smart!

    Being smart means taking some time to stand back, assess the type of affair and then plan a course of action that might get you the results you want.

    Or, at least you will feel better about yourself, feel more empowered, by taking some calculated action.

    Now standing back for most is very difficult.

    The intensity of your pain and agony compels you usually to revert to old patterns that sometimes (most often probably) worked in certain situations to alleviate the pain (supposedly) and/or gain a measure of control.

    For example, when feeling the fear of being displaced or losing something vitally important, you may lash out or become aggressive.

    Watch out! You externalize the pent up feelings and energy. You rant and rave.

    You threaten (to kick him out…even though that is not what you truly want), you push, prod, ask questions unendingly and beg, plead, cries… all to no avail.

    The reactions trigger in the cheating spouse a desire to flee.

    Or, you may use the tactic of internalizing and withdrawing.

    You carry your pain within, may become depressed and assume a victim role.

    Others are concerned about your mental and emotional health and what you might do.

    The loud message is: “care for me.” Out of guilt, your cheating spouse may move close but your cheating spouse will be smoldering with anger that will eventually destroy the marriage. .

    You are on Autopilot

    Please realize that these responses are automatic.

    No true thought is given to “why am I doing this? Where does this come from?” Under the pain of the discovery of infidelity many go back to the default pattern of emotionally not caring for one’s self.

    And rest assured, these patterns will only generate more distance.

    I teach those impacted by infidelity is to step back and see the patterns.

    Difficult? Not really.

    No one, the school, our parents, your friends, your community or even the church did not provide adequate information about this nightmare that impacts at one time near 80% of marriage.

    I’ve dedicated the last 10 of my over 30 years as a Marriage and Family Therapist to give you the information you need to at a minimum, save your sanity and hopefully put a halt to the affair and resolve your nightmare.

    The above information is taken from one of my first ebooks, “The first Step to Surviving Infidelity.”

    To learn more about “The first Step to Surviving Infidelity” go to:

    http://www.saveamarriageforever.com/prod-first-steps/

  • Cheating Wife Survival Mistakes

    The Biggest Mistake Men Make When Coping With A Cheating Wife.

    Hello,

    One of my prior blogs concerned men coping successfully with a cheating wife..

    cheating wife survival

    When you add up the numbers, cheating does not pay.


    If you’re a guy who got cheated on, then you know just how PAINFUL
    it is when the woman you love betrays you for another guy.

    We might try to “be a man” about it, and deny our feelings

    … but the truth is it kills us inside like NOTHING else in life can.

    The pictures in our head of our woman with the other guy….

    … the heart-pounding jealousy…

    …it’s enough to drive any man a bit NUTS.

    And when we’re feeling this bad, we desperately need something to make us feel better.

    But here’s what’s really strange (and sad):

    Most of us guys do one thing that makes the pain 10x worse.

    You know what it is?

    We start BLAMING ourselves for our wives adultery.

    We say to ourselves things like:

    “Is it really my fault?”

    “If I only I would have paid more attention, she wouldn’t have started cheating…”

    “If only I had listened to my gut about that guy at her work…”

    “If only I was better in bed…”

    etc. etc.

    If your wife is or has been cheating on and you blame yourself (at least a little) for her cheating, you need to check out this page right now:
    https://lv130.isrefer.com/go/shame/sideslip/
    It’s by world-renowned affair recovery expert .

    His specialty is helping MEN heal 100% from their wife betraying them.

    And unlike other experts, he’s actually been through this experience HIMSELF –
    so he knows first hand what you’re going through.

    Go here and he’ll tell you the TRUTH about whether or not you should take any
    responsibility for her affair:
    https://lv130.isrefer.com/go/stoppursue2/sideslip/

    Dr. Bob Huizenga

    PS: If you’re still with your woman, this vital information will show you how to make sure her affair doesn’t screw up the rest of your marriage.

    And if you two have broken up, he’ll show you how to heal your pain once and for all – and get ready for an even BETTER relationship in the future.

     https://lv130.isrefer.com/go/surviveinfidelity/sideslip/
    Best Resources
    infidelity and Affair Help
    Break Free From the Affair
    Best selling ebook on infidelity. Learn how to diagnose an affair and plan a specific strategy that offers the best hope of influencing the direction of the affair. Click here for more information.
    Save a Marriage
    Save Your Marriage Ebook
    Learn how to control your feelings, calm yourself and move through a marriage crisis with confidence and effectiveness. This ebook works even. Click here for more information.
    Dr. Huizenga
    One on One Personal Coaching
    Yes, you can talk about it. Ask your burning questions. Accelerate your healing process. Find the best words and phrases to stop the marital crisis. Get the affirmation that empowers. Click here for more information.
    Best regards,
    Laurence
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