• Cheating Wife Survival – Recovery Steps

    Your marriage has been wrecked by an affair.

    From the ruins and ashes caused by the selfish behavior of your cheating wife, a new—and improved—marriage can be born.

    But from where you’re presently standing, you may not be able yet to visualize such a thing.

    Lets take a glimpse of what the future of your marriage can look like, starting from a clean slate.

    extramarital affair

    Confronting a cheating wife Is Painful – for sure!

     

    The Promise of a Post-Affair Marriage

    After your wife has broken your heart and demolished your trust, your vision of your future with this person may be cloudy at best. You question whether you’ll be able to forgive this betrayal or ever be able to look at your wife the same way again.

    Your marriage is in its darkest hour. But it doesn’t have to mean you are stuck there. You can move forward and create a marriage that  motionally intimate, loving and fulfilling.

    An affair, while devastating, can serve a purpose. Everything that has been hidden deep beneath the relationship’s surface can now be dug out and gone over. Whatever was a problem in your marriage should not be ignored now, if you want to save your marriage and rebuild it better than before.

    For example, you and your wife may have lapsed into more of a roommate situation than a relationship that could be characterized as lovers. It’s easy to get lazy with a wife. After all, you feel comfortable enough with this person that you don’t feel the need to “win” them.

    What happens, over time, is that you may forget to do and say the things that create an intimate environment. You both are comfortably ‘fond’ of one another, but you’ve lost that deeper connection.

    This is no excuse for an affair, but some people will claim to have had an affair to get that spark they miss.

    The mistake is trying to get it with someone outside of the marriage—the majority of spouses are missing that spark with the person they married, not necessarily really wanting someone new.

    Unfortunately, they get themselves caught up in a bad situation that ends up straining the marriage to the breaking point—hardly a means of deepening intimacy and rediscovering any spark.

    However, once your wife has come clean about the affair and begins to make amends, and as you work on your varied emotions and heal your wounds, you may begin to consider exactly what it is that you want out of life.

    Here are 3 tips to help you save and rebuild your marriage:

    Tip #1: Think Long and Hard about YOUR Wants/Needs

    Many affair victims despair over the thought that they have sacrificed and given so much of themselves to the marriage. This can take many different forms, but maybe it means you’ve put in more time in child-rearing, or covering the bills, or handling household duties.

    For a stronger marriage in which you feel satisfied, think about those areas of your life in which you feel you over-gave, and your wife didn’t  step up enough. Now, as you rebuild your marriage, you can recreate it where you don’t fall back into an over-giving pattern. Let your wife know of your longstanding dissatisfaction and ask for his or her cooperation in meeting you partway in those areas where you feel you gave excessively.

    Tip #2: Establish Ground Rules

    There may have been behaviors on the part of your wife that provided the slippery slope to cheating. Were there nights out with the “guys” or “girls?” How about calls taken in private all the time? Late work nights that involved stops at the local watering hole?

    If you feel there were certain behaviors that were the perfect set-up for your spouse to cheat, make it a ground rule that in order to save and rebuild the marriage, this behavior can no longer be tolerated.

    Tip #3: Plan a Solid Future

    Many couples forget to make plans and dream together. Marriage can quickly devolve into managing the drudgery of life. When was the last time you and your wife made time together for simple fun? It doesn’t have to be extravagant trips to exotic locales—maybe you go and see a band play in a local pub. Or, you work on a landscaping project together so you can have access to a pleasant environment for winding down after work and on the weekends.
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    Planning activities together strengthens your marriage bond. It’s a way to deepen intimacy so you’ll not take one another for granted.

    My best to you in healing from the affair and rebuilding your marriage.

    Laurence

  • A Few Sign Of A Cheating Wife

    If you suspect your wife at all, you should look carefully for signs of a cheating wife in a marriage.

    Usually if you see smoke, a fire is burning somewhere. So if you have doubt in your wife’s fidelity, there’s probably a reason.

    Cheating Wives and Emotional Adultery

    A Few Signs Of A Cheating Wife

     

    Remember though that just because you see signs of cheating in a marriage, that doesn’t necessarily mean that cheating is going on. Once you’ve seen the signs, you’ll need to look further to determine if cheating is really happening.

    And sometimes there are no signs of cheating in a marriage and yet cheating is going on. It’s not an easy position to be in, to have to figure these things out.

    The following signs can certainly lead you one direction or another. Don’t make a decision just based on one or even a few of them. But a lot of evidence can certainly let you know that something may be wrong, and you may want to look at little closer. You can save your marriage!

    • Secret cell phone conversations are one of the top signs. If your wife leaves the room every time the cell phone rings, you have to wonder why. Were they taught that’s polite? If they’re at all strange acting about the conversation, you should pay attention.

    • Sudden change in hygiene is common when someone is having an affair. If your wife never goes to any special trouble for you to make sure she looks and smells good, a change in this could be worrisome. If they’re making themselves nice for you, that’s great. If they’re dolling up to go out, you have to wonder why.

    • More arguments can be one of the signs of cheating in a marriage. Particularly if it seems your wife is starting the argument for no reason and then storming out because of it. It could be just an excuse to leave and have some time away from you without having to come up with another excuse.

    • Catching your wife in a lie can mean trouble. Even the smallest lie shows that person’s willingness to lie in general. Look for connections between that lie and the possibility of an affair.

     An increase in computer time can be a bad sign. If your wife is spending hours online after you’re in bed or while you’re doing other things, it could be of concern.

    • A common sign of cheating is if your friends act strange. They might know something you don’t and feel uncomfortable around you.

    • And a painfully common sign of cheating is if your wife accuses you of cheating or hints that she thinks you might be having an affair. Very often, that’s a guilty conscious talking and you’re being accused of the thing that’s causing her guilt.

    The only way to know for sure is to have real evidence. So remember that even though these are common signs of cheating in a marriage, none of them can be used to prove an affair is occurring.

    My Own Heart Was Ripped Out When I Found Out My Wife Was Having Sex With A Man I Had Trusted… Check this helpful resource out today!

    Best regards,

    Laurence

  • 5 Post Affair Survival Steps

    Survive and Recover From Adultery:5 Keys to Making Good Decisions

    Facing adultery or an extramarital affair means facing decisions. Your world is thrown into chaos, confusion, fear and here you are… trying to decide what to do.

    And, there are many decisions looming. Do I throw him/her out? Should I spy? Do we separate? Do I talk about the affair? Should I confront the other person? Should we have sex? Should s/he sleep in another bed? etc.

    Here’s one of the problems: Facing infidelity or an extramarital affair is so disturbing that the process of making decisions is made exceedingly more difficult than usual. Your world is turned upside down.

    The way you make decisions likewise, is turned upside down.

    Professional marriage counselor Dr. Bob Huinzenga offers some guidelines for making decisions during this time of your life.

    extramarital affair

    Confrontation an Extramarital Affair Is Painful – for sure!

     

    1. Don’t be in a hurry to make decisions. Don’t rush.

    I say it normally takes 2-4 years to resolve the adultery crisis if you wing it on your own. You can slice off a great deal of time if you research, get support and study adultery, yet at that, it still takes months to work through the pain, rebuild faith and trust and put together in a healthy way your life and/or marriage..

    Don’t make knee-jerk decisions. Don’t react immediately to your situation. Please don’t listen to well meaning family and friends who have a difficult time experiencing your hurt and out of their discomfort (and concern for you) suggest impulsive moves, such as kicking him/her out, leaving, filing for divorce, etc.

    Allow yourself to be with your pain for a while. It’s ok. You have more internal strength than you can imagine… and you will discover that. You CAN handle it. This too shall pass!

    Take your time…… there is no hurry.

    Exception to the rule: If there is a strong possibility of physical or severe emotional abuse and if your children are in physical or emotional danger, get the heck out. Now. Find a safe place!

    2. Get your affair feet under you.

    You are entering a new world, a world you probably thought you would never enter and so you are not prepared. You are clueless about what faces you and what might transpire. As well you have been taught myths and half-truths about adultery that will get in your way of progressing in a healthy sane manner.

    Learn about adultery. Learn about the different types of affairs. Get Break Free From the Affair and other information about infidelity and affairs. Study the Killer Mistakes that prolong the affair and your agony. Drink it all in.

    You, like thousands of others who never thought they would be in this situation, will discover strength and power that will one day truly amaze you .

    You will learn that you have value and worth, you are not defective, the affair is NOT your fault. You are not to blame. It was his/her temporary break with reality that put him/her at risk. You will be the winner. S/he is headed down the slippery slope.

    Get support. Join my online infidelity support group. Get coaching if it fits you. You will discover the power of healing in being with others who truly understand and will guide and encourage you on your extramarital affair recovery journey.

    These mini-decisions along the way will give you a base, a strength from which to operate and make the tough decisions that await you. With this base, your future decisions will come from a well thought out, caring and informed center within. This is good!
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    3. Reflect on how you typically make decisions.

    When considering a decision, it is important for you to talk it through? Does the path become clear as you hear yourself talk with an empathetic other?

    Is writing helpful? Do you jot down ideas, pros and cons? Do you doodle your way through to a conclusion?

    Do you think your way through a problem? Do you go off by yourself to a quiet place and sit with your glass of wine or cup of tea and let the thoughts and images emerge? And, an action becomes apparent as the route to follow?

    Embrace and use your personal decision making process.

    4. You will know when you know.

    Timing is everything. You can’t force a decision. Well, I suppose you can, but, I believe, you have a greater risk of making a poorly informed decision.

    You will know when you reach a decision point. It seems more obvious. The wavering is over. the ambivalence is tipped. An inner voice says, “It’s time to do it.”

    And, you can usually trust that inner voice, all things considered. It is highly accurate. Spend some time listening to it. It will guide you in reliantly, persistently and consistently. This is especially true if you have mastered your personal need system, or I should say, as you have eliminated your personal needs and live more according to your values, standards and integrity.

    5.Know that you most likely will second guess yourself.

    The action path that you choose in the face of an affair is usually not a path of 100% conviction and certainty.

    Are those, for example, who choose to remain married to the cheating spouse always 100% convinced that their decision is correct? Very  seldom.

    80% of the time they think the decision was correct. But 20% of the time the big doubts and questions settle in again.

    Or maybe it’s 60% of the time that it seems like the appropriate path. Or, perhaps you have more certainty and 90% of the time the decision feels very good and you are happy you made that choice.

    Life is not perfect. Decisions are not perfect.

    Take it easy,

    Laurence

  • Cheating Spouse Survival Tips- Forgiveness

    Just the thought of forgiving a cheating spouse is enough to make an affair victims heart race.

    But speaking of hearts… forgiveness may offer some health benefits.

    In this blog, lets look at the idea of forgiveness which is a huge hurdle for many. We can also review a proven alternative to forgiveness-one that has the power to help you reduce your emotional anguish, even if you’re not ready for “forgiving and forgetting.”

    Arguing will not stop the affair

    Stopping The Cheating Spouse By Making Excuses Won’t Work

    Health Impact of not Forgiving

    The emotional devastation you face when your spouse has cheated on you has the power to send you spiraling into a vortex of hopelessness and despair. The psychological impact is tremendous, from the obsessive thoughts, to the relentless memories to the rollercoaster emotions. Post-affair emotions can seem as if they’re capable of consuming you whole.

    What you may not realize is that these emotions can consume your physical health as well. And the longer you remain in the damaging embrace of negative emotions, the more likely your health will be impacted.

    Forgiving a cheating spouse is asking a lot.

    Some affair victims fear they’re giving their cheating spouse a free pass, or otherwise minimizing the damage that has been done to them.

    Marital problems can take a serious toll on your health. Physical and mental health are impacted, especially when your spouse cheats, affecting your social support structure and your stress level.

    Many studies have shown the importance of stable, healthy, human relationships in physical health. We’ve all heard the value of talk therapy, of not suppressing our emotions and of having escape valves that are healthy, such as exercise, friendships and hobbies.

    When your spouse cheats on you, you’ve lost a major part of your support system. Without the normal release you may have had of going to your spouse with your problems, you could experience additional strain, resulting in your blood pressure going up. When this goes on too long, it can affect your health.

    Also, when you are stressed out, powerful chemicals like cortisol are released into your bloodstream. For short-term stress these chemicals are necessary for your survival, helping you respond adequately in potentially unsafe situations.

    But when stress goes on too long, these powerful bio-chemicals erode your health from the ground up and impact every system in your body.

    Obviously, a cheating spouse can be very stressful. When you don’t address this stress, it can eat away at your body as well as your mind. Negative thoughts and feelings can take you on a downward health spiral. The longer you remain in this state, the harder it can become to let go of those negative feelings, and they can expand into other negative effects.

    According to a study published by the University of Tennessee’s Department of Psychology in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, researchers have measured lower blood pressure levels and heart rates in those who have gone through the act of forgiving someone for their transgressions. They found that those who were forgiving of the affair have lower mental stress and their cardiovascular system reacts in a positive way.
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    Right now, it probably doesn’t feel realistic to begin forgiving your cheating spouse: you simply can’t flip a switch on your emotions that way.

    But you need a way to eliminate the torment of the affair you’re living in and the anxiety it provokes, while protecting yourself from its damaging physical and psychological effects.

    Forgiving, or its Alternative?

    Luckily, there is an alternative to forgiving: you can strive for acceptance, which means coming to terms with that which you cannot change. You can’t change the reality of your spouse’s affair no matter how much you may want to. But you can accept this awful past so you can move on toward a brighter future, restoring your marriage and doing so may diminish your stress levels a great deal.

    Best regards as you work your way through this emotional turmoil of a cheating spouse.

    Laurence

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