Surviving the affair of your spouse is one of the most difficult, challenging things you’ll ever work to accomplish.
Are you up to the task?
Cheating causes a depth of painful emotions that is almost impossible to describe—you only realize how deep if you experience it yourself. Even cheaters can go through emotional turmoil thanks to their thoughtless actions.
In this blog, lets look at 3 different options for managing those post-affair emotions in a healthy way. It will give you what you need to move forward, survive cheating and decide if you want to save your marriage.
Broadsided by Cheating Wife
The emotional turmoil a cheater may experience, based largely on guilt, and can’t begin to compare with the pain that you, as the victim of cheating, are going through. Your spouse’s infidelity unleashes painfully raw waves of emotion, and you don’t know how you’ll ever escape this ongoing internal devastation.
It can be tempting to want to sidestep these emotions, ignoring them in hopes they’ll just go away on their own, with time and distance. If you want to be successful in surviving an affair, this is not the best option.
If your spouse cheated on you, the emotional backlash you’re experiencing must be faced. It is definitely unfair. As the victim, you didn’t have any input in your spouse’s decision. Instead, you were lied to and deceived into believing everything was going along as normal. Nothing prepared you for this, and that’s what makes it even more challenging.
When you are hit with the news of your spouse’s cheating, it spins your world around.
You may have had your suspicions, but until you unequivocally know the truth that your spouse had an affair, there’s really nothing to prepare you for what comes next.
Negative emotions take over. You as the victim feel as if you’ve lost control. The rug has been pulled out from under you—and you can’t seem to gain your feet. A daily cocktail of emotions is what you’re served, made up of anger, feelings of betrayal, pain, jealousy, intense shame, and uncertainty about the future, and who you are in that future—and whether your marriage will even survive into the future.
Reeling from these waves of pain, it is tempting to want to escape and hide yourself away from them, anything to avoid that pull down into the emotional abyss. You may have had moments where you feel yourself internally closing a door on them, and telling yourself “I’m fine. It’s no big deal. I’ll make it through.”
The only way to truly make it through, in a meaningful way that allows you to reclaim your sense of self while healing these deep wounds, is to work through each and every one of those painful emotions in your quest of surviving infidelity and moving on.
Let’s look at 3 options from which to choose to get you started in confronting this internal demon of emotional pain so you can begin healing.
Emotion Healing Option 1: Breath Focus
When we’re under pressure and feeling stressed, our breathing changes: it tends to become shallower.
As an affair victim, you are experiencing immense stress. Your emotional pain leaves you feeling exhausted, mentally and physically. A simple method to help revitalize you and ease some of that pressure is to take the time to focus on your breath, breathing in deeply and slowly exhaling. Control the breath, focusing on feeling it move down into your stomach, and then exhaling in a controlled manner.
Some people report that when they first try this very simple exercise, it can leave them feeling lightheaded. But deep, controlled breaths are healthy, so it shows that you physically exist in an unhealthy, anxious state when it feels odd to breathe this way.
Emotion Healing Option 2: Distraction with Intention
A positive distraction is one in which you give yourself a break from the emotions you’re experiencing. A negative distraction would be something such as obsessively scrubbing floors to avoid the emotion.
A positive distraction differs in that you aren’t running and hiding from anything—you’re just taking a time-out to do an activity you enjoy and that keeps your attention for a bit. It provides a way to move through the hurdle of that negative emotion.
Emotion Healing Option 3: Self-Nurture Efforts
Keep up with taking care of yourself. Many affair victims are so distraught, they find they don’t have an appetite and therefore don’t eat properly, or care about their personal appearance or feel motivated to exercise.
But when you are in emotional distress, it is all the more reason to take care of yourself. Your body needs nurturing now, more than ever. It will be a welcome salve to the raw wounds you are recovering from. One of the best resources I have found for healing from a spouse’s affair is…………...
How have you processed the emotional aftermath of the affair?
What steps have you taken to process the emotional pain of infidelity?
Please share your thoughts and experiences regarding this critical issue of trust. And, best wishes as you trudge through this mire of dealing with a cheating wife.