You may have a sixth sense that something isn’t quite right with your spouse, and you may suspect he/she is cheating. Your gut is telling you… something is off.
Stopping The Cheating By Making Excuses Won’t Work
Maybe your spouse is sprucing up a bit more before going to work. Or, they’ve gone from a depressive state to elated—for no apparent reason.
If you suspect your spouse is cheating, you may feel torn about confronting them with your suspicions. In this blog, I’ll give you three considerations for confronting the issue—and your spouse—head on. Keep reading…
Infidelity and Suspicious Behavior Might Be The Cheating Signs
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, right? But that doesn’t mean the “fire” in this case is your spouse running around on you. If there has been a change in behavior, there could be lots of other rational explanations.
However, you won’t know until you come right out and ask your spouse: are you cheating?
Most spouses who suspect cheating are hesitant to do this. The reason is, even if a person is cheating, their first reaction is to naturally deny, deny, deny. That won’t get you anywhere, and may serve to just make you feel more frustrated, suspicious and upset.
Also, many people who suspect cheating are afraid to know the truth, because they know that finding out for sure that their spouse is having an affair will change their world, sending it into a tailspin.
If your gut is telling you something is off, you know what will happen: you will not get any rest or peace of mind until you get answers. It’s just how we’re wired. It’s rare that a person says “I don’t want to know either way” and can move forward with their life without having a concrete answer.
But confronting your spouse with your suspicions—let’s face it—is not an easy conversation. Confrontation does not have to be an angry, accusatory conversation, though. Confronting someone simply means going to someone with your thoughts, ideas and feelings and expressing them, seeking to gain clarification.
Next, lets look at 3 considerations for handling a confrontation so it doesn’t become an angry blowout that gets you nowhere.
So you have questions, and you would like an honest answer: is your spouse cheating, or not?
If only you could just ask the question and your spouse simply say “yes” or “no” and you could trust what they tell you. But trust tends to get sidelined when your gut is forcefully telling you, “Something is amiss here.”
Confronting Your Spouse About The Suspected Cheating.
You want answers, but first, there are three considerations to take into account when considering whether or not to confront your spouse:
Consideration 1: Do You Have Any Facts?
Your gut may be telling you something is wrong in your marriage, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse is cheating. For example, if you notice that he or she is suddenly dressing a little spiffier for work, that doesn’t mean it’s to catch the eye of someone they’ve been flirting with. Rather, it could mean there is a new position opening up, and they want to be considered for it.
So the first consideration is, do you have any specific events or occurrences to support your suspicions that your spouse is cheating?
Consideration 2: What Do You Want?
If you want to confront your spouse, what do you want him or her to do? Confirm what you already know?
If you have specific events, such as phone calls suddenly coming in on the weekends that your spouse removes himself/herself from the room to take, this may be your starting point: “I have noticed the influx of calls that you take elsewhere. Who is that, and why do you need to leave the room?”
Consideration 3: Are You Ready for a Calm Talk?
You may feel worked up emotionally about your suspicions. If so, it could sideline your attempt to have a calm conversation with your spouse, and you could end up hurling accusations that come from your suspicions and not necessarily from the facts.
One way to calm your emotions long enough to have a calm talk is to write down what your suspicions are—and then stick to the script. If you feel yourself becoming upset while you talk with your spouse, ask for a break of 30 minutes and go cool down. Resume the conversation when you feel ready to handle it.
This is a resource I respect and I hope you find it helpful:
My best to you and your spouse in saving your marriage.