• Post-Affair Emotions – Healing

    Learn How to Heal From an Affair

    Personal healing is probably one of the most difficult things to do after a marriage has been decimated by an affair.

    Cheating Wives and Emotional Adultery

    Post-affair emotional healing help.

    The victim of the affair is often left alone to try and save the marriage and mend his/her broken heart and spirit while the cheater expects her to “Just get over it!”

    The cheater is ready to “move on” after their affair has been discovered while the victim is left picking up the pieces.

     

    You see, most cheaters just don’t “get it.”

     

    Some may eventually, but many, many others never do.

     

    This is the typical scenario that Linda & Doug from Emotional Affair Journey have not only witnessed daily with the couples they communicate with, but also from their own experiences in recovering from infidelity.

    Not surprisingly, after her affair Linda didn’t “get it” either at first.

     

    Eventually, and with Doug’s help, she managed to get a clue and started doing the work that was necessary for Doug  to heal himself and for the both of them to heal the marriage.

     

    Through their experiences and research, they have discovered that there are 24 “tasks” that the cheater must perform in order to successfully help their spouse heal from their affair.

     

    You can read more about their story by clicking the following link:


    Healing from an Affair and restoring your marriage.The best to you as you struggle with resolving this painful experience.

    Laurence

  • Cheating Wife Survival Help

    Why Do Women Cheat?

    Cheating wife survival depends on you recognizing and isolating the source of the cheating

    Often, men will blame themselves. “It must have been something I did – or didn’t – do.”After the revelation of a spouse’s cheating these are common victim questions and answers. Lets take a look at why women cheat , and how to stop an affair from happening again – even if you can’t change the past.

    Every man who has been cheated on has probably asked the question, “Why do women cheat?

    It’s a simple question, with no easy answers. Sure, there are lots of reasons given. Here’s a sampling:

    cheating wife survival

    When you add up the numbers, cheating does not pay.

    . Wife got bored

    .Wife needed more attention

    . Females need more emotional connection

    In theory, these all sound plausible, but it discounts one very important fact: not all are women cheaters.

    Therefore, these answers really don’t hold up, because if they were truly good reasons, then they would be applicable to all women, all the time.

    The answer that is most difficult to swallow is also the truth: it’s a matter of personal character. Now, that’s hard for the cheater to hear, and sometimes, for the victim to accept. It’s easier to believe there is some reason that pushed the cheater to cheat.

    But no one forced your spouse to cheat. If your spouse was forced, then that is rape – not an affair.

    Why women have affairs (and men, too) is because they make the choice to cheat. The answer isn’t any more complicated than that.

    If a woman wants to cheat, she will make the choice between going through with it and forgetting her vows and pledge to her spouse, or remembering her vows and the fact that she values his marriage, she will remain faithful to him.

    Protect Your Marriage From Cheating

    Once an affair has taken place, it’s up to the cheater to make amends and decide to never again make such a choice. The cheating wife has primary responsibility for erecting the protective barriers so that she – the cheater – never crosses over into that territory again.

    Although the above resource was written primarily about women surviving an affair. Their is immense help here also for the man working through his wife’s post-affair recovery.

     

    Here are some tips for what the cheater can do, as well as the victim of the affair, to ensure proper boundaries are set up and maintained:

    Tip 1: Assess Your Weaknesses

    This is more for the cheating spouse, but no one is exempt from temptation. Therefore, what is your personal danger zone that could lead you astray?

    The cheating wife needs to look at the events that led up to the point of the affair and analyze where she got off track, placing them in a position that created such a choice to begin with. If you know where your danger zone lies, it’s easier to avoid it in the future, which is a personal boundary that you can enforce to protect your marriage from future harm.

    Tip 2: Discuss Boundaries as a Couple

    You and your spouse should sit down together – once a lot of the work of post-affair recovery has been done – and decide, as a couple, what the boundaries should be for your marriage.

    What often happens is one spouse has one idea of appropriate marriage boundaries, while the other spouse has something completely different in mind.

    For example, does your spouse have a lot of friends of the opposite sex? If this is troubling to you, or you feel it threatens your marriage, explain to your spouse why you feel that way. Express where you think it could easily cross over into infidelity territory, and together decide how best to erect an appropriate boundary so your marriage is protected from harm.

    Tip 3: Keep Communication Lines Open through Transparency

    Don’t forget the importance of something we’ve looked at repeatedly: the idea of transparency. When you and your spouse constantly communicate about what you’re doing, where you’re going, what happened during your day, you make it more challenging to “hide” things from each other.

    Part of the “success” of conducting an affair is the secrecy involved. Cheating incubates in that dark, hidden area of your life that you don’t choose to share. If you practice a strict discipline of transparency, there isn’t space for secrecy, nor for an affair situation to plant itself and grow.

    My best to you as you recover from the trauma of a cheating wife and prevent one from ever happening again.

    Laurence

     

     

  • Cheating Signs To Look For

    You may have a sixth sense that something isn’t quite right with your spouse, and you may suspect he/she is cheating. Your gut is telling you… something is off.

    Arguing will not stop the affair

    Stopping The Cheating By Making Excuses Won’t Work

    Maybe your spouse is sprucing up a bit more before going to work. Or, they’ve gone from a depressive state to elated—for no apparent reason.

    If you suspect your spouse is cheating, you may feel torn about confronting them with your suspicions. In this blog, I’ll give you three considerations for confronting the issue—and your spouse—head on. Keep reading…

    Infidelity and Suspicious Behavior Might Be The Cheating Signs

    Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, right? But that doesn’t mean the “fire” in this case is your spouse running around on you. If there has been a change in behavior, there could be lots of other rational explanations.

    However, you won’t know until you come right out and ask your spouse: are you cheating?

    Most spouses who suspect cheating are hesitant to do this. The reason is, even if a person is cheating, their first reaction is to naturally deny, deny, deny. That won’t get you anywhere, and may serve to just make you feel more frustrated, suspicious and upset.

    Also, many people who suspect cheating are afraid to know the truth, because they know that finding out for sure that their spouse is having an affair will change their world, sending it into a tailspin.

    If your gut is telling you something is off, you know what will happen: you will not get any rest or peace of mind until you get answers. It’s just how we’re wired. It’s rare that a person says “I don’t want to know either way” and can move forward with their life without having a concrete answer.

    But confronting your spouse with your suspicions—let’s face it—is not an easy conversation. Confrontation does not have to be an angry, accusatory conversation, though. Confronting someone simply means going to someone with your thoughts, ideas and feelings and expressing them, seeking to gain clarification.

    Next, lets look at 3 considerations for handling a confrontation so it doesn’t become an angry blowout that gets you nowhere.

    So you have questions, and you would like an honest answer: is your spouse cheating, or not?

    If only you could just ask the question and your spouse simply say “yes” or “no” and you could trust what they tell you. But trust tends to get sidelined when  your gut is forcefully telling you, “Something is amiss here.”

    Confronting Your Spouse About The Suspected Cheating.

    You want answers, but first, there are three considerations to take into account when considering whether or not to confront your spouse:

    Consideration 1: Do You Have Any Facts?

    Your gut may be telling you something is wrong in your marriage, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your spouse is cheating. For example, if you notice that he or she is suddenly dressing a little spiffier for work, that doesn’t mean it’s to catch the eye of someone they’ve been flirting with. Rather, it could mean there is a new position opening up, and they want to be considered for it.

    So the first consideration is, do you have any specific events or occurrences to support your suspicions that your spouse is cheating?

    Consideration 2: What Do You Want?

    If you want to confront your spouse, what do you want him or her to do? Confirm what you already know?

    If you have specific events, such as phone calls suddenly coming in on the weekends that your spouse removes himself/herself from the room to take, this may be your starting point: “I have noticed the influx of calls that you take elsewhere. Who is that, and why do you need to leave the room?”

    Consideration 3: Are You Ready for a Calm Talk?

    You may feel worked up emotionally about your suspicions. If so, it could sideline your attempt to have a calm conversation with your spouse, and you could end up hurling accusations that come from your suspicions and not necessarily from the facts.

    One way to calm your emotions long enough to have a calm talk is to write down what your suspicions are—and then stick to the script. If you feel yourself becoming upset while you talk with your spouse, ask for a break of 30 minutes and go cool down. Resume the conversation when you feel ready to handle it.

    This is a resource I respect and I hope you find it helpful:

    My best to you and your spouse in saving your marriage.

    Laurence

     

  • Cheating Wife Survival – Forgiveness

    Keys to Rebuilding Your Marriage – Forgiveness Might Be The Answer


    Are you one of the 90% who truly want to reclaim and rebuild your marriage – REGARDLESS of what  your cheating wife did or did not do?


    Yes, most want to give their marriage the best possible shot of surviving and perhaps eventually thriving.

    Cheating Wives and Emotional Adultery

    Internet Infidelity – Not A Good Choice.


    I want you to check out the resource below if you are one of the 90%.


    I particularly agree with this paragraph in this book:


    One should never endeavor to win back a lost lover for the wrong reasons. And simply stopping the pain of the split, or relieving the agony of the resultant loneliness, is the wrong reason to try to win him back. The basis for this ugly little truth is obvious: unless the underlying factors that caused the breakup in the first place have been examined, and unless there has been a significant change or commitment to a change, a remedy put into play, then you’re simply asking for more of the same, with the same outcome virtually assured.


    I’ve struggled over the years with the concept of forgiveness. I seldom come across info that does it justice. Do you?


    Forgiveness is like the purest form of love itself. It has no agenda, and should not be brought into the dynamic of your breakup and commitment to win him back simply as a strategy or an obligation. Rather, you ask for it and offer it for one reason only – it’s the right thing to do.

    Forgiveness is what love would do, and that’s always the acid test for anything you’re considering saying or doing from this point forward.


    And, if you are looking for tips on getting him/her back, This book moves you through the phases of this process. These tips work well, if you have your feelings under control, for the most part and can, what I call, “charge neutral” a fair proportion of the time.


    If face to face confrontation is an issue for you, you will find great guidance in using the written (or typed) word as a way to powerfully communicate:


    Get it in writing. One of the most common ways to reconnect is to write a letter. But as it is with any other method of reconnecting – perhaps especially this one – you must be sure the letter does not become counter-productive. And it easily can if the slightest element of bitterness, defensiveness, accusation, agenda or desperation pops out from between the lines. The absolute litmus test for such a letter is that it is completely vulnerable and self-effacing, yet it shows your ability to be strong.


    As I read through his book, I came across information that you will find insightful and helpful:

    1. Execute the Plan, Not the Man (or woman)


    2. The Ten Biggest Mistakes You’ll Want To Avoid


    3. Six key ingredients to a successful marriage. The happiest and most successful relationships are clicking on all six of these cylinders.


    Michael appeals to gender issues, so click the appropriate link below to learn more and get your copy of getting your spouse back:


    Get Her Back…  for good  Read it Today!


    Remember, Knowledge is Power.


    This is YOUR time to redesign your thinking about your marriage and make the needed shifts to create the relationship and marriage you truly desire.


    Wishing you Warmly the best,

    Laurence


    P.S. Here are the link again: stop pursuing.

    Get her back for good click this link to get started.

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