• Survive Her Affair

    OK, really quick . . .

    Lets take a look at how to survive her affair written by a victim.

    I just found this incredible page that shows
    you how to recover as fast as possible if you
    found out your wife was cheating on you:

    cheating wife

    Cheating Wife Survival Help

    New research shows that 91% of men who get
    cheated on say it’s the hardest thing they’ve
    ever gone through.

    Even “manly” guys are brought to tears when
    their wife is unfaithful.

    When the pain is THIS intense, you need
    help getting through it. And there’s no shame
    in reaching out for help.

    That’s why this page is so important:

    cheating wife

    Cheating Wife Survival Help

     

    It’s by a special guy named Kevin Jackson –
    he’s the only relationship expert I know
    that looks at affair recovery from a
    100% MALE perspective.

    He’s been featured on The Huffington Post –
    and over 20,000 men who have been cheated
    on receive his email newsletter each week.

    So… he knows his stuff.

    If your wife cheated on you but you still love
    her, and you want to save your marriage to survive (or
    at least your sanity), then you really need to
    check this out right now:

     

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    You don’t have to suffer any longer with the pain of dealing with a cheating wife

     

    It could make all the difference in your life.

    See for yourself…A cheating wife does not have to plague your thoughts and control your life forever. Your marriage can recover if you both want to work on it.

    You are going through a ton of hurt right now, so you need not respond today. Think this over.

    Laurence

    P.S. Kevin teaches a “road map to recovery” that is just
    for guys – a step-by-step plan that’ll get you
    feeling better and put you back in the driver’s seat
    of your marriage. Get more info here:

    P.P.S. His program works even if you were married
    for YEARS when she betrayed you…

  • Your Self Esteem And The Cheating Spouse

    Nothing tears at your self esteem and sense of well being more than a cheating spouse.

    The question is often posed by someone in the midst of a painful relationship upheaval: “What did I do wrong?”

    You assume you failed. You ask yourself in the middle of the night, “What could I have done differently? If only I would have paid more attention, been less angry, been more positive, listened better, spent more time with” and the list of “If only I would haves” goes on and on.

    You may feel terribly responsible and a part of you won’t let go of the idea that somehow, perhaps in glaring ways, you are to blame.

    You kick yourself. You berate yourself. You want to turn the clock back. But, you can’t.

    cheating wife survival

    A cheating wife will wreak havoc on your emotions.

     

    There’s another level to the erosion of self esteem and self respect as well; another pernicious level that rips a hole in your soul.

    I hear a suffering spouse utter or imply, “What’s wrong with me, that this could happen?”

    You may believe that the marital or relationship crisis points to the reality that you are in some way defective and inadequate.

    That sense of being defective or inadequate is finally brought, at least from your point of view, into the open. You as a person are outed.

    Your nagging sense of inadequacy, you so valiantly tried to mask or overcome is now exposed.

    It is exceedingly difficult to manage well and recover effectively from your marital crisis with low self esteem or shattered sense of self.

    I want to help you regain your self esteem so you can get on with the job of healing and restoration.

    Regaining your self esteem often occurs when you understand that you are neither totally responsible nor defective and inadequate but marriage of significant emotional investment provides a rich environment for self esteem to get flushed down the toilet.

    Consider:

    1. Marriage exposes you.

    There is a vulnerability in all of us; at least all “normal” functioning people.

    In a marriage you control others’ access to that part of you. You can hide. You can pretend. You can avoid.

    You may attempt to use that same strategy with your spouse, but events, words and strong feelings emerge that cut through your façade and touch on that which you try to hide.

    Your humanity, idiosyncrasies and foibles are exposed. They may or may not be accepted by your spouse. They may be acceptable to a degree at particular times.

    2. You are taught an unrealistic ideal

    We also are bombarded from the media and other forms of communication, even well intentioned self help people, with an image of marriage or being married that flies in the face of reality.

    I watch parts of the “Bachelorette” on television and cringe. Is this what it means to “fall in love” or “be in love?” Are most of us really that naïve, or do we get off on the silliness and superficiality of the show?

    Or, is there a part of you that longs to be swept off your feet to some exotic place and live with that “love” for the rest of your married lives?

    And so we believe that these beautiful people “have it.” And, we don’t.

    We feel our emptiness, our frustration, our resentment, our loneliness and we think, “What’s wrong with me/us?”

    3. We create roles

    We also attempt to cope in married life by adapting and living different roles, thinking, “This is how I’m supposed to act in a marriage.”

    The husband plays the role of the provider. The woman is the nurturer.

    The man plays the take charge role. The woman plays the submissive and helpless role.

    One initiates sex. The other receives sex.

    One is the strong silent type. The other is the gregarious seductive vixen.

    One becomes the parent. The other becomes the child.

    Roles may work for a period of time or may last the length of the marriage. However distance is perpetuated and you never truly encounter one another, only the roles.

    The strain of the roles is shattered by a marital crisis.

    4. Unfinished business

    We take into our marriages the unfinished business of maturation. The patterns and thoughts about self, others, marriage, sex, intimacy, abandonment, etc. we carry along and place at the feet of our spouse, usually unconsciously.

    The marital crisis is often an outbreak of unresolved and unfinished business from the past and has very little to do with you, the hurting spouse.

    Understanding the powerful dynamics of a marital relationship or relationship of deep emotional commitment may help gain your self respect, knowing that many forces are outside your control, responsibility or sense of adequacy.

    Time and time alone will begin to mask the pain. But, you can begin to find resolve for your life now.

    cheating wife

    Cheating Wife Survival Help

    Best regards as you trudge through these troubled times.

    Laurence

     

     

  • Is It Possible To Stop Your Wife’s Cheating?

    Healing from infidelity means first dealing with the reality of how to stop the cheating. It is often the case that you cannot directly stop the extra-marital affair. In reality, the harder you try directly to get your cheating husband or cheating wife to stop the affair, the more unlikely that the cheating will indeed cease.

    Cheating Wives and Emotional Adultery

    A Few Signs Of A Cheating Wife

    Specifically for the affair type: “I fell out of love…and just love being in love” a direct assault most often results in the affair couple intensifying their contact or emotional involvement.

    But, you do stand a chance, and sometimes a very good chance of influencing the cessation of the cheating if you are smart! Being smart means taking some time to stand back, assess the type of extra-marital affair and then plan a course of action that might get you the results you want. Or, at least you will feel better about yourself, feel more empowered, by taking some calculated action.

    Now standing back from the cheating for most is very difficult.

    The intensity of the pain and agony compels one usually to revert to old patterns that sometimes (most often probably) worked in certain situations to alleviate the pain (supposedly) and/or gain a measure of control.

    For example, when feeling the fear of being displaced or losing something vitally important, a person may lash out, become aggressive. Watch out! S/he externalizes the pent up feelings and energy. S/he rants and raves. S/he threatens (to kick him out…even though that is not what s/he truly wants), s/he pushes, prods, asks questions unendingly and begs, pleads, cries… all to no avail. The reactions triggers in the spouse a desire to flee.

    Or, the wounded spouse may use the tactic of internalizing and withdraw. S/he carries her pain within, may become depressed and assume victim role. Others are concerned about his/her mental and emotional health and what s/he might do. The loud message is: “care for me.” Out of guilt the cheating spouse may move close but there will be smoldering anger that will eventually destroy the marriage.

    Please realize that these responses are automatic. No true thought is given to “why am I doing this? Where does this come from?” Under the pain of the discovery of a cheating spouse many go back to the default pattern of emotionally caring for one’s self. To learn more about infidelity patterns, click below:

    And rest assured, these patterns will only generate more distance.

    Part of what is taught those impacted by a cheating spouse is to step back and see the patterns.

    Difficult? Not really.

    Most of us do not realize there are different patterns. Once this awareness sinks it… and it doesn’t take very long… a person feels empowered. “Hmmm, I DO have choices? Wow! What a relief.” (I receive emails almost daily from those who read the 7 types of affairs and different strategies for each, commenting on the dramatic change of their feelings after digesting the 7 types of affairs.)

    At that point one stops reacting (by externalizing, pushing and being aggressive or… by internalizing and playing the victim role), stands back, evaluates the situation and begins a quest to find that which WILL work in changing the flow of him/her self and ultimately influencing the nature of the extra-marital affair.

    Lets look at a few examples of how this works.

    Affair # 6 is “I Need to Prove My Desirability.” There is an underlying belief of one’s relational and sexual inadequacy that goes back in time. Often the person encountered some form of sexual abuse of extreme sexual confusion as a child/teenager.

    When the wounded spouse discovers the cheating s/he may aggressively approach the cheating spouse. There may be name calling. S/he may verbally assault him/her. There may be demands to stop the cheating. The cheating spouse retreats into his/her feelings of inadequacy and the affair or sexual acting out may continue.

    The best chance for the wounded spouse to stop the cheating is to listen. Yes, that’s right. Open the door so the cheating spouse can talk. Get at and affirm his/her sense of inadequacy. Easy? No. But, often well worth it.

    Or, Affair #4 “I Fell out of Love… and just love being in love.” This is the typical emotional affair. And, of course, the wounded spouse may feel terribly inadequate as a person, lover and spouse and may continually and consistently seek out assurance and affirmation from the cheating spouse. This often repulses the cheating spouse and s/he jumps into the arms of his/her lover. (And, they have juicy conversations about the “crazy” behavior of the spouse at home – now I understand why you want an affair!)

    Once the wounded spouse stands back and learns, s/he realizes that the best strategy may be to back off. After all, this type of cheating is based on an attempt to redo a stifled adolescent love life. And like an adolescent, the “in love” feelings have a shelf life, sometimes not very long.

    In affair #2 “I Don’t Want to Say No” the wounded spouse is often used to deferring to his/her spouse. S/he may tolerate a large degree of emotional distance in the marriage and may also put up with a great deal of acting out behavior on the part of his/her spouse, including cheating, or series of affairs. The wounded spouse “swallows.”

    The wounded spouse may have influence if s/he begins to employ behavioral consequences, to the point in which the cheating spouse is in grave danger of losing a great deal. The wounded spouse acts, as s/he has never before.

    As you can see, cheating is exceedingly complex.

    And the act of infidelity stirs powerful feelings.

    Rather than being lost in knee-jerk feelings and reactions, it pays handsomely to stand back, evaluate the type of extra-marital affair and with power and new-found confidence try on some new behaviors that might significantly stop the cheating.

    My advice, get some help, don’t act on your emotions regarding this cheating in your marriage.

    Laurence

  • Losing Sleep Over Her Cheating?

    Still losing sleep over her cheating?

    Good Morning This could be the most important read you will encounter as you work to survive her affair.
    Dr. Huizenga here…

    Checking in to see where you are in the healing process and offer you opportunities to make your recovery faster, more powerful and lasting.

    Have you moved?….

    From feeling Victimized and Helpless > Rage > Anger > Frustration > Sadness > Confusion > Discovery > Clarity and Understanding > Peace > Joy > Hope????
    Cheating Wife Survival

    Cheating Causes Tons Of Emotional Pain On Both of you.



    Where are you?

    Maybe two steps forward and one back? (That’s normal.)

    Some days you skip around? (That’s normal.)

    It takes time (usually 2-4 years to truly get over the hump.)

    As you come to know that her cheating is NOT your fault…

    As you come to understand the crazy motives of your cheating spouse

    [I read online where a Python swallowed a Porcupine – bad case of indigestion and eventual death for the Python. Reminded me of a cheating spouse – gorges on something that looks so juicy and enticing but leads to pain and eventual demise for the cheating spouse. Affairs do NOT work!]

    As you heal the pain and images soften….

    The broken heart begins to heal… but the cheating wife  experience truly never completely ends.

    I want you to think about where you are now.

    And I want you to know you can speed the process and put the last nail in the coffin of your infidelity pain.

    I’ve spent the last 9 months creating another layer of resources, expanding on what I’ve already offered, that provides in-depth checklists, videos, evaluations, healing shifts, expanded skill usage, my personal coaching input, outlined reviews, reports and much more.

    You START HERE…

    Click on this link and Download your FREE “7 Types of Affairs Cheat Sheet.”Pinpoint the EXACT type of affair facing you so you know the next move.

    Make your recovery faster, more powerful and lasting.

    http://infidelity-recovery-center.com/lm-opt-in-7-types-of-affair/

    I will personally welcome you.

    After you click the download button and enter your email address you will have the option to upgrade to 48 Hour Infidelity Boot Camp!
    Join the 48 Hour Infidelity Boot Camp, a by-invitation-only (that’s you) group, where the 3 keys to Infidelity Healing are presented in sequence with checklists, videos, pdf downloads and more.
    Once in the Boot Camp you won’t be able to pass up the one-time Membership in the Infidelity Recovery Center. The Center has EVERYTHING you need.
    Need I say more?!
    Again, download the “7 Types of Affairs Cheat Sheet” – START HERE:

    Thousands since 2002 have found strength, confidence and direction using my infidelity materials. Like them, experience the movement from helplessness to hope.

    I hope to see you in our new Infidelity Recovery Center.

    Bob

    P.S. You will get the best from me, an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist with over 25,000 of direct contact with struggling couples and individuals, like you.

    http://infidelity-recovery-center.com/lm-opt-in-7-types-of-affair/

    P.S.S. A final thought: you can’t make your cheating spouse stop, but you CAN influence the infidelity.

    You might be surprised by your spouse’s reactions once you intentionally plan your words and behaviors according to the type of affair.

    http://infidelity-recovery-center.com/lm-opt-in-7-types-of-affair/
    I thought this was some great information to pass along to help with the real pain caused by a cheating wife.
    Laurence
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